you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
