Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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