Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
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Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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