I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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