I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
