Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
