So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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