a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
