Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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