"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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