the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
