i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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