what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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