WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
