We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
