Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
