You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
