The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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