so explain again why im purple
no
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
