Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
