no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
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Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
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He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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