I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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