If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
