Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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