There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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