I'm lost and stupid without you.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
