Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
