Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize