Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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