So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
