i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
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Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
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Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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