I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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