Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
