My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Randomize
