somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
