are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
