so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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