the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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