best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
