I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Less talking, more tequila
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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