too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
