we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
