I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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