party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
