Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
