we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
