john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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