im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
