i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
God, you're like boner-b-gone
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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