I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
