my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
you win again, gameday.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
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