You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
