I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
