Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
