i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
