gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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