ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
