Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
