in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
