Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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