She's JV to your varsity
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.