do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher