so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
